Bad Luck

Do you believe in luck?

 

Ask most people if they think they have ‘good luck’ and most people will say yes. Actually, 91% claim they do.

 

That can’t be right. If almost everybody has ‘good luck’ then luck means nothing.

 

And what exactly is luck?

 

Webster says luck is success or failure apparently brought by chance rather than through one’s own actions.

 

I guess it would be reasonable to expect bad luck is just as common as good luck, right? So, if that is true, why don’t more people admit it?

 

Well, I will. If good luck is swimming upstream, then I am apparently floating downstream. On a leaky inner tube.

 

I don’t know if I really believe in luck. If it is real, then I definitely have had bad luck.

 

At least in 2023.

 

My year started off pretty good. I was looking forward to two great trips that my beautiful wife and I would be taking – one to Italy and another to Alaska.

But it didn’t take long for my luck to take a nasty turn.

 

First, I hurt my shoulder and had to have rotator cuff surgery. I was hoping to do it before we went to Italy in April but spent the first four months either fighting with my insurance company or trying to get an appointment with a surgeon.

 

It didn’t happen so I had to go to Europe with a busted wing.

 

My company had been awarded a huge contract to do some video work for the State of Florida. It was going to be a windfall for us.

 

Thinking that the contract would come through, we spent thousands of dollars on some new equipment.

 

And then Florida decided to cancel the contract. No work. No huge payout.

 

Instead, I had $12,000 worth of new equipment that will take me years to pay off.

 

I got home from Italy and had surgery on my shoulder two days later. And then months worth of rehab.

 

Or shall we say, physical torture.

 

I finished my therapy and looked forward to cruising through the rest of the year.

 

Lady Luck had a different idea.

 

I was in my office one day when I got a call from the Treasury Department saying I owed several thousand dollars to the FCC that I didn’t even know about.

 

Wait. What?

 

I fought it but this was the federal government.

Insert ‘I Fought the Law and the Law Won’t’ by Bob Marley here.

 

There went my bank account.

 

At this point, I was beginning to see a trend. This was a textbook example of bad luck.

 

I figured I had to do something. And quick.

 

I tried to find a rabbit’s foot but apparently PETA has prevailed and we no longer chop the feet of furry little bunnies.

 

Bummer.

 

I tried burning incense. That’s how the ancient Egyptians would rid themselves of evil spirits.

 

I did nothing to change my

luck and now my house smelled like burnt hay.

 

I tried carrying a four leaf clover. And then a horseshoe.

 

I don’t know how many times I had to explain to my clients that the rusty horseshoe hanging around my neck didn’t mean I was a rapper.

Things seemed to be better for a while. I gave up the Thug Life and left my horseshoe home.

 

I hadn’t even gotten back the house. Speeding ticket. $280.

 

And then I got real sick and had to go the hospital. If I just had a rabbit’s foot.

I wondered if the hospital would cut off one of my feet to hang around my neck. They claimed they feared chopping off one of my feet may be considered malpractice.

 

Sissies.

 

I didn’t die. My luck wasn’t quite that bad. But I did have to go get a bunch of tests that included sticking long needles into my various veins.

 

Then the holidays got here. My wife owns a Christmas tree farm where I play Father Christmas on the weekends.

 

We were expecting a big season. And then the rain came.

And it didn’t stop.

 

We had to close the tree farm for several days because of bad weather. And that meant no customers buying trees.

 

This was the last insult.

 

I could understand why God was punishing me- I do stupid things all the time. I’m always forgetting to take out the trash, empty the dishwasher or close the lid of the toilet so the dogs won’t stick their heads down in it for a quick slurp.

 

But why was God punishing my lovely wife? She hadn’t done anything.

 

Well, she did make me smell some spoiled milk last summer. That is definitely punishable with eternal fire and brimstone.

 

Luckily, the year was quickly coming to a close. My bad luck year only had a few more days to torment me. Surely, the Gods had deemed I had suffered enough.

 

But then Lady Luck said, “Here. Hold my purse.”

Just a couple of weeks before Christmas- the day when all my family would be home all together for the last time this year- our heat pump decided to go belly up.

 

A voltage spike blew out the outside unit, our expensive Nest thermostat and the blower in the attic.

 

The bill to fix it? $5,000.

 

So here I sit on the last night of the year in my sweatsuit, socks, gloves, hoodie and heavy coat – still no heat- contemplating the year that was.

365 days of bad luck.

 

It’s too late to catch a rabbit and do some foot butchery. Too late to throw salt over my shoulder or pretend to be the Notorious B.I.G. and hang another horseshoe around my neck.

 

I’m starting the New Year with a new attitude. I have decided that I don’t believe in bad luck.

 

But if I’m wrong, if you happen to catch a bunny with nice little feet, please call me.

 

Just in case.