Special

As parents, we all think our children are special.

It’s only natural for parents to value their children and feeling valued is important to a child’s esteem.

But sometimes, a child is born and they’re different.

The doctors call them special. But it’s whispered in the dark and everyone knows this kind of special is different.

Very different.

Your friends smile and say ‘Congratulations’ on the new baby, but they act like there has been a death in the family.

Having a child with a disability seems to be the fault of the parents. Like they are somehow defective.

I’ve seen it firsthand.

A few years ago, when our kids were still in school, my lovely wife and I had a close relationship with the Special Ed teachers at the high school. Our son is autistic. The people at the school talked about him in hushed tones, implying that we had failed him somehow.

Thankfully, there were teachers in the Special Education Department who thought differently. They saw our son not as defective, just different. They loved him and and sheltered him and we just wanted to pay it forward.

The teacher said we could volunteer in class. Help with parties and special events.

When we found out that these kids never went to prom, we had a prom for them at our house.

We didn’t know what to expect and frankly, I was a little scared of

what we might encounter.

Popular culture loves to portray people with physical or mental disabilities as dangerous or unpredictable.

They are the villains and monsters in our stories.

We found that to be exactly the opposite.

Yes, some of these young people had difficulties communicating or getting around but they were no different than other kids.

They laughed at my jokes. They loved cake and ice cream. They loved to play games and they especially craved affection.

They were special. Just like all the other kids.

But they can be a challenge and if you gave parents the choice between a special child and one with special needs, you can imagine who they would choose.

Which makes the next part of this story rather perplexing to a lot of people.

Why would someone travel halfway around the world and adopt a child with special needs? To most people, that seems completely alien.

Most people who go to a foreign country to adopt a child are seeking a perfect blonde, blue-eyes cherub. The slightest blemish pushes a child to the back the line.

But a friend of mine and her husband decided to do what most people don’t. Those chose a boy who was less than perfect.

I don’t know the circumstances or the reasons why they did it. I have never asked because it is none of my business.

All I know is that one day, they became parents of a little boy who was different. But still very special.

I am sure that everyone who met their son smiled and wished them congratulations but when they were out of earshot, the questions were whispered.

Did they know he was like that?

Why would they put themselves through something like this?

It was only logical for people to have those thoughts. In our culture, people who are different- those who have a physical limitations, behavioral issues or someone born with an extra chromosome- are looked at as somehow less than.

But my friend never made mention of it. Not once.

When she introduced me to her new son, she beamed with pride. And he, well, he was happy. Just like any other boy.

Instead of hiding him away so people wouldn’t whisper, she proudly displayed photos of her son around her office and on Facebook.

Not only had she given him a new life, she was doing everything she could to give him a normal life.

That meant going to school, playing sports, having a dog- everything a little boy does.

Having an extra chromosome wasn’t going to keep him from any of that. She made sure of it.

She wasn’t able to fix everything but she could give him a home and people who loved him. And for now, that seemed to be exactly what he needed.

So, when I opened Facebook this weekend and saw this young man standing on the podium, receiving a medal at the Special Olympics, it made me smile.

And it made me remember all those kids from back in high school.

All they wanted was to be treated like everyone else. Even if it was just for a little while. They knew they were ‘special’. They had heard that word all of their lives.

They didn’t want to be special.

They just wanted to be accepted. For who they are.

And who they are is good enough.